Twelve weeks have never been so challenging, fast and
blessed all at the same time. I look fondly back to our labor and delivery. In
hindsight, it was all so beautiful. How those first 2 weeks (rather 4 weeks)
was beyond difficult. I could go on and on about the pain of learning how to
nurse, round the clock sleep deprivation and learning what all her crying is
all about, first outings, first public nursing session, first vaccines.
Truthfully, my heart and mind are occupied about two things today, graciousness
and wonder.
Graciousness: The first is how the journey of new parenthood
is peppered with thankfulness for ALL the people that came out of the woodwork
to help us. The number of neighbors, friends, and co-workers who were more than
willing to fill our bellies the first month. The family that visited, called,
and prayed for us. I’m moved by the messages of advice, wisdom and
encouragement as we navigated sleep, poop, nursing, pumping, aches, vaccines
and pains. Priceless gifts were showered on our little one (heirlooms,
embroidered blankets, handmade baby clothes). Even friends coming over to help
or drop off care packages while we pushed through being a sick parent for the
first time (a few times actually). New lifelong friendships have been forged
with neighbors and couples from our birth class. Words cannot express our
appreciation for everyone’s help. As our neighbor Tiffany says, “Mother’s don’t
let mother’s mother alone.” I’d take it further and say that big-hearted people
don’t let new parents parent alone. “It takes a village” has a whole new
meaning to me know. With heavy tears, I say THANK YOU!
Wonder: Naturally I have mixed emotions about returning to
work. I look forward to feeling balanced and exponentially more like myself. I
have a whole new breath of excitement in my career. As a mental health
counselor with teens, I have a warmer passion to teach, guide, heal, and listen
to our youth. I’m thirsty to make a difference. I’m giddy to reconnect with my
awesome team of co-workers and supervisors. I’m excited to get a taste of our
new day-to-day routine and figure out what works for our family. With all that
said, I am quite nervous about SLEEP in finding that routine. I’m sad to think
of missing out on lazy morning and napping with my daughter, being there for
all her coos, and milestones. While I’m 110% confident in our childcare
provider, it’s just hard to not be the one to sooth her, coo with her, and meet
her needs. It’s sad to think about the little time we’re going to have with our
daughter during the week. I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of worries that many new
parents have, “Will she forget me?” “Will I forget how to care for her?” “Will
my absence damage her?” All irrational; I know. I warn you, I will be emotional for awhile. I’m reminded that parents do
this all the time. No, we're not 1st parents do tackle these milestones. We’ll find our way. Ultimately, working and setting time
aside to decompress with working out will make me a happier and therefore
better mommy to our daughter. I will turn any worry into wonder and look
forward to this next chapter.
Enter my next reflection 3 months from now about all the
friends and family who have been there for us as we transitioned into working
parents. I’m told the first two weeks are the hardest. Hmmm, that sounds
familiar.
