Super Dads!

Dads have a boatload of superpowers, says the least research.

Super Strength: When dads roughhouse with their kids, it doesn't just tire them out before bedtime, it teaches kids to manage their emotions, leading to better relationships.

Super Equality: Forget about Iron Man - let's hear it for a man who irons. Dads who sahre in household chores have daughters wtih greater professional ambitions.

Super Persistence: Dads who teach kids accountability and the reasons behind their rules raise children with more stick-to-itiveness.

Super Mood: Sorry moms, but a dad's love has the more impact on a child's future happiness. Kids sure of their dad's devotion are less likely to exprience depression.

Super Future: When dads provide calm, loving home environments, kids are more likely to form healthy relationhips and become capable parents.

A Working Nursing Mother is a lot of WORK

Enter the working nursing mother aka the clock watching pumping b!*$%. Is being at work difficult? No, not at all. It’s the “Sorry – I can’t handle that crisis or family meeting or fit in that kid in that time because the other kid didn’t show or drive out to see that kid at that time. You see, I require ample time to get to a private area to set up, hook up, relax, let down, pump, store, and clean up at that time, and two other times throughout the day.”

Example, it’s 9:30am and a kid hasn’t shown up for a session. Normally, I’d call for another kid. But now I can’t because there is no point. I have to pump at 10am. That means I’m unavailable until 10:30. An hour of work gone! In the back of my mind, I know I cannot meet the quota of encounters per day with this pumping schedule. Of course I have a legal right to pump and my employer must accommodate for this. How do I accommodate for the overwhelming feeling that I’m failing as a mom because I complain so much about pumping and failing as an employee in terms of productivity?

Another example, there is an emergency crisis team meeting that is happening in town at 3pm. I’m asked to be there. I need to pump at 4pm. Do I leave the meeting at 3:30 so I have time to get back to the office and pump? Thus feeling like I’m abandoning a client in need and not meeting my obligations. Do I leave at 4pm when the meeting will hopefully end, and pull out my boobs in the parking lot of children's Services, while praying to God that no one sees me there or while I’m driving back to the office? Did I mention how difficult it is to relax when you try and pull the drive-n-pump move? I’ve done it once and avoid it like the plague. To say that I hate public pumping is an understatement. Never will I ever look at my fellow drivers at a stop light again.

Our darling little girl is only 5 months old and I’m sick of pumping! It's been two months and I'm already SICK OF IT! Truth be told, we have at least 7 more months of this. Introducing solids at 6months is really just her playing with her food. The boob-juice is her main calorie supply. And don’t get me started on how she is refusing to gain more than half an ounce a day. We're shoving milk down her gullet like it's the end of days. Poor thing is just pooing it out.  

  

Here is a sample of our schedule (keeping in mind, some day’s I’m at the school, other days I’m at the office and other days I’m going from another school and the office and so forth). Somewhere in there we’ll get our taxes done, clean the house, clean the garage, plan our family vacation, pay bills, balance our accounts, return calls – oh and actually try and go on a date.

·         12:00am: Seth bottle feeds Eva (because we are battling the 5 month old who refuses to gain

·         5am: Seth wakes up and gives her bottled snack

·         6:00am: Wake up, dress, get ready

·         6:15am: Seth get’s Eva up, changed and dressed

·         6:30am: Pump one side, clean pump parts, bottle 3 extra ounces and store the rest

·         6:50am: Gather pump supplies and lunch and throw in the car

·         7:00am: Nurse Eva

·         7:20am: Gather Eva’s diaper bag, frozen milk, bottles, the 3oz that I pumped to add to her bottles, change if she needs it and walk over Eva over to her awesome sitter.

·         8:00am: Arrive at work try  to see 2 kids (if I’m lucky) before I have to pump unless it’s Tuesday and I’m in a staffing until 9:30am and no kids are going to be seen until 10:30am.

·         10:00am: 1st pumping session (hand sign on door, pump, store and wash pumping attachments) (missing a chance of seeing any kid during 3^rd period)

·         10:30am: Back to work

·         1:00pm: 2^nd pumping session (missing any change of seeing a kid during 6^th period)

·         4:00pm: 3^rd pumping session, while I do some documentation and provider contacts (I’ll have to juggle this when I start doing 3pm group sessions)

·         4:30pm: Drive home

·         5:00pm: Get home to bag and store pumped milk, clean pump supplies, sterilize bottles, place milk cooler in freezer for tomorrow, transfer milk to deep freezer if needed  

·         5:10-30pm: Pick up Eva if Seth hasn’t already, discuss Eva’s day

·         6:00pm: A 30min workout, get Eva up with toys in the living room or swing in the garage while we workout

·         6:30pm: Set Eva down for a nap, shower, and start dinner

·         7:00pm: Nurse Eva

·         7:30pm: Change her, get her PJs on, finish dinner and eat at some point in the night

·         8:00pm: Get bottles and diaper bag ready (binkie, extra outfit, toy, diapers or wipes if needed), for the next day, pack lunches. Squeeze in anything that cannot wait for the weekend (a bill, an order, read a few pages for book club) – and play with Eva of course

·         9:00pm: Eva naps

·         9:30pm: Head upstairs. Eva get’s her last change, a bath on some nights, and nurse her and put her to bed.

·         10:00pm: SLEEP

I’m painfully aware that I don’t HAVE to be pumping or nursing. I’m choosing this. Why in Sam’s hell am I choosing this again?

1. To provide the BEST nutrition for Eva
2. To make it possible to still nurse her when we are together
3. To keep that special closeness and attachment going
4. To avoid the health risks associated with formula feeding
5. To miss less work, because breastfed babies are sick less often
6. To save money ($800 a year!)
7. Later in life she'll have fewer cavities
8. Less likely to become obese later in childhood.
9. Less likely to develop juvenile, insulin-dependent diabetes than children who are fed formula
10. Decreased risk of childhood cancer
11. More likely to have lower blood pressure on average than those who were formula-fed. Thus, decreased heart disease
12. Decreased risk of psychological, behavioral and learning problems as she grows older
13. Her cognitive development is increased
14. In researching the psychological benefits of breast milk, one researcher found that breast-fed children were, on average, more mature, assertive and secure with themselves as they developed
15. I'm less likely to get osteoporosis later in life
16. I'm able to lose weight more easily 
17. Lowers my risk of breast, uterine and ovarian cancer
18. No messing with bottles and temps when I'm around
19. I get blog this while I'm pumping ;)

My last day of maternity leave.

Twelve weeks have never been so challenging, fast and blessed all at the same time. I look fondly back to our labor and delivery. In hindsight, it was all so beautiful. How those first 2 weeks (rather 4 weeks) was beyond difficult. I could go on and on about the pain of learning how to nurse, round the clock sleep deprivation and learning what all her crying is all about, first outings, first public nursing session, first vaccines. Truthfully, my heart and mind are occupied about two things today, graciousness and wonder.

Graciousness: The first is how the journey of new parenthood is peppered with thankfulness for ALL the people that came out of the woodwork to help us. The number of neighbors, friends, and co-workers who were more than willing to fill our bellies the first month. The family that visited, called, and prayed for us. I’m moved by the messages of advice, wisdom and encouragement as we navigated sleep, poop, nursing, pumping, aches, vaccines and pains. Priceless gifts were showered on our little one (heirlooms, embroidered blankets, handmade baby clothes). Even friends coming over to help or drop off care packages while we pushed through being a sick parent for the first time (a few times actually). New lifelong friendships have been forged with neighbors and couples from our birth class. Words cannot express our appreciation for everyone’s help. As our neighbor Tiffany says, “Mother’s don’t let mother’s mother alone.” I’d take it further and say that big-hearted people don’t let new parents parent alone. “It takes a village” has a whole new meaning to me know. With heavy tears, I say THANK YOU! 

Wonder: Naturally I have mixed emotions about returning to work. I look forward to feeling balanced and exponentially more like myself. I have a whole new breath of excitement in my career. As a mental health counselor with teens, I have a warmer passion to teach, guide, heal, and listen to our youth. I’m thirsty to make a difference. I’m giddy to reconnect with my awesome team of co-workers and supervisors. I’m excited to get a taste of our new day-to-day routine and figure out what works for our family. With all that said, I am quite nervous about SLEEP in finding that routine. I’m sad to think of missing out on lazy morning and napping with my daughter, being there for all her coos, and milestones. While I’m 110% confident in our childcare provider, it’s just hard to not be the one to sooth her, coo with her, and meet her needs. It’s sad to think about the little time we’re going to have with our daughter during the week. I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of worries that many new parents have, “Will she forget me?” “Will I forget how to care for her?” “Will my absence damage her?” All irrational; I know. I warn you, I will be emotional for awhile. I’m reminded that parents do this all the time. No, we're not 1st parents do tackle these milestones. We’ll find our way. Ultimately, working and setting time aside to decompress with working out will make me a happier and therefore better mommy to our daughter. I will turn any worry into wonder and look forward to this next chapter. 

Enter my next reflection 3 months from now about all the friends and family who have been there for us as we transitioned into working parents. I’m told the first two weeks are the hardest. Hmmm, that sounds familiar.

A Doula For Me, A Doula For You?

Choosing our Doula
The word doula comes from the Greek language. It literally means hand maiden or servant, I preference the definition, Mother of the Mother.

Our midwife suggested that we research to see if a doula is right for us. We did. We got referrals. We sat with the stack of cards. We made no calls. Why? Each weekend seemed to be filled with other have-to’s. Also, something inside me told me to shelf it. Once we were at 34 weeks and pretty much assumed that the doula ship has sailed. It dawned on me. My dear friend, nurse, doula, ex-co-worker, Nancy! She’s delivered babies for over 30 years. Now she only doulas for friends and family. We talked it over and agreed that this would be the BEST doula for us. It all dovetailed perfectly. I have a call and she was free for a quick chat during our lunch break. Small talk ensued and then I proposed, “Will you be our doula?” Tears, hugs and kisses. She was secretly hoping that we would ask her, but didn’t want to put unintended obligation on us. We went to dinner the following Friday, the 3 of us. Well, #4 was in my uterus still. We talked her approach, our needs (before, during and after), our worries, our joys. 

I begin to express the joy I feel about bringing our daughter Earth Side surrounded by powerful nurturing women: my midwife, her assistant, my Breathing From Within teacher, and Doula. Seth, the man of the hour, will experience a level of strength and support like never experienced. He will be mothered as well. I’m thrilled to go into labor!!! Weird, I know. I just know that it’s going to be a Natural and beautiful setting for us. 

The following is some research on Doulaness for your reading pleasure. Keep in mind, this is aimed more for parents who are having a hospital birth. I am going natural at a birth center with home visits from my midwife and no overnight lodging (with the exception of laboring throughout the night). 

A proven benefit: constant support
Although there are no official statistics, experts in childbirth education estimate that in the United States, 1 percent of births are overseen by doulas. And they say the numbers are rising as evidence of the benefits adds up. There are no known risks to the mother or baby in having a doula — and lots of benefits.
A scientific review involving six studies of more than 2,000 women found that with the continuous support of a trained doula, epidural use decreased by 60 percent. Also, the number of Cesarean sections dropped by 50 percent, oxytocin use for labor induction decreased by 40 percent, forceps use by 40 percent, and the average length of labor by 25 percent.

“We think that anxiety can slow or stop contractions,” says John H. Kennell, M.D., professor of pediatrics at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland and one of the researchers involved in the review. “The doula’s experience and knowledge help set the mother [and her partner] at ease.”
Postpartum advantages are adding up as well: Research by Kennell and others suggests that doula-supported mothers breastfeed more successfully and suffer from less postpartum anxiety and depression than new moms without such support.

The making of a doula
Labor-doula trainees typically attend a workshop led by experienced doulas. They learn about the labor process and about techniques for pain relief and effective communication with a laboring woman, her partner and hospital staff, says Penny Simpkin, P.T., a childbirth educator and co-founder of Doulas of North America. A doula also must attend three to 10 births in order to be certified.
Postpartum doulas — who help women after delivery — learn how to prepare family meals, care for newborns   and provide lactation support.

Typically, labor doulas meet with the expecting parents at least twice before contractions start to answer questions and discuss the birth plan. A few weeks before the due date, most labor doulas are on call; they often check in with the family after delivery to talk about the birth. Fees for such a package range from $150 to $1,000.

For $300, my doula, Sue Ann, promised two prenatal visits, support from the first contraction to the last, and two postpartum visits. My husband, Craig, and I got much more. During prenatal visits, we talked about our hopes for the birth. Sue Ann taught us how to practice labor positions that use gravity, such as dancing, rocking and squatting, and she helped us make a list of what to bring to the hospital.

She answered all my questions. “Is it good or bad for the baby to move during a contraction?” (Good.) “Will I be able to tell if my water breaks while I’m swimming?” (Yes.) “What time of day am I most likely to go into labor?” (Many mammals go into labor in the middle of the night, when quiet breeds a sense of safety.) Sue Ann lent us videos on nursing, labor and baby care, as well as copies of useful articles. She accompanied us to two doctor’s appointments and, when I was overdue, to the hospital for an application of prostaglandin gel to prepare my cervix for induction.

The power of the doula
At one point, I became frustrated when my due date passed without incident. Sue Ann suggested that I massage my belly to reconnect with my baby. “Rub gently downward,” she said. “Think about how you can’t wait to meet him.” With those simple, reassuring words, she helped me refocus my attention on the beauty, mystery and spirituality of childbirth.

Her presence sustained my husband and me through the 23 hours I was in the delivery room. In that time, my doctor came and left three times, and the nursing shift changed three times. Sue Ann was nearby from start to finish. As contractions became more intense, she offered options: Do you want to try dancing or squatting or spending time in the hot tub?

When it was time to push, Craig stood on one side with Sue Ann on the other, holding and rubbing my legs and coaching me to breathe in, hold and push. She positioned a mirror so that I could see my son crowning. And when Cobi slipped out, she stepped back to let Craig and me welcome him.

Sue Ann eased our transition from hospital to home by keeping in touch with us via phone, and cooking us a homemade dinner of rice-and-bean enchiladas and oatmeal-raisin cookies. As our doula, she guided us through late pregnancy to early parenthood, offering the steady hand of someone who has passed that way before.

Weighty Issues (Written at 27 weeks along)

Weighty Issues

*Warning: New Mommy Confessions*

I believe I was at 18 weeks when I had my first full blown pregnancy hormone emotional explosion. It was a doozey that tapped me out because I haven’t had one since. The trigger: the SCALE. Let’s just say it was over by 10 pounds of what is recommended in every book, website. It hit me half way on the way to work. I literally pulled over at the fairy terminal and called 3 friends who I banked on being free at that time in the morning to talk me down. You see, prior to pregnancy I surfaced from a lot of hard work to get fit, healthy and confident. ALL of which meant no scales, no calorie counting, and no stress. It took a journey to get to that point. In my 20s I was a ball of insecurities, obsessions, and self loathing. It wasn’t until a friend took me on the longest hike of my life during one of my deepest depression of my life, surviving the scariest of cancer scares and moving to a new city where I didn’t know anyone, and surrounded myself with positive active people did I switch my focus. I threw out the number crunching, the “bad” foods list, the scale hopping. I chose health, strength, and energy FIRST and the end result was getting in the best physical shape of my life. Let’s not confuse thin with healthy either. Healthy and thin are two very different things. I was leaner, faster, stronger, smaller at 105-10 than I ever was at a miserable, weak, winded, and larger (yes larger) 95-100.  I prefer muscles and fitting into my jeans now.

With that said, I was pulled over at 18 weeks having a panic attack and flooded with old anxieties. Not to mention the slew of negative thinking (e.g., I’m gonna balloon up to 50+ by 40 weeks, the baby can hear me unhappy and that makes me a bad mommy already). Yes, I went there. Lots of reassurance was given that it will be okay. It was hard for me to take someone’s word for it, even trusted friends. I wanted a crystal ball so badly!!! I haven’t stressed about a number on a scale for over 3 years. Even at doctor’s visits I’d just step on backwards and they know that I don’t care to know the number. “I’m not a number,” I’d smile. I didn’t want to take steps backwards. By 1pm – yes – it took me that long to get a grip – I had a plan. What was unhealthy for me pre-pregnancy, may have to be a tool toward healthy now. I contacted my midwife, who was beyond compassionate with me. I started tracking my calories. We created a week-by-week goal for me to stay active and intake the right amount of the right amount of sustenance. Yes, this includes weigh-ins. I have to admit that it has been strange to put on the old tools that led me astray way back when. Oh, the second part of the plan. Follow the plan and breath easy trusting that it’s all gonna work out.

So far I’m right on track and feeling confident. Something I didn’t think I’d be able to say nearly 10 weeks ago. Through this journey, I’ve been able to rehash unfinished self-esteem issues I thought I buried and am discovering a whole new level of commitment toward healthful living. As my counselor pointed out to me, my old obsessed self can now step up to the plate and have her tools be sharpened toward a greater good. I didn’t have to snuff her out and be afraid of the old self coming out after all. I’ve also done a ton of research. My inner nerd is happy. The following is a few kernels of what I’ve learned so far. 

BEFORE PREGNANCY
I was brainwashed by a culture that thinks pregnancy makes you fat. Time and time again, I’ve been reminded that “Oh, you won’t be the same after kids.” And I’ve heard the criticisms by women who label other women as vain or unhealthy when they do bounce back. Most people seem to hold this belief and look at women who lose the weight quickly like they are some freaks of nature, since it has become so rare to see a woman bounce back fast. Case in point, who hasn’t admired friends, neighbors or celebrities like Heidi Klum’s rapid return to her pre-pregnancy weight. In an interview years ago, she was answering a question about how she lost the weight and said in return, “Well, you have to ask yourself what you looked like before pregnancy.” Makes sense. You cannot get pregnant and expect to look like a supermodel if you didn’t look like one before. And, pregnancy isn’t going to get you in shape. So, her point was, if you are in shape before, you will have a better shot at losing the weight after. Right? Seems to make sense. So there’s Step 1: Get Fit First. Thank my lucky starts that I had Step 1 cuddled next to a big check mark going into this.

DURING PREGNANCY
I’m one of those people who got pregnant, and got nauseas. I made the mistake of confusing nausea with needing a snack (another “it worked then” fallacy that led to my week 18 melt down). After a week or two of this, I found a cure: the running and working out. Six days a week and it cured my nausea, albeit temporarily! Breaking a sweat did it! HA! Whodathunk!?! So I’ve been nurturing my habit all a long. I plan on exercising least 5-6 days a week through my whole pregnancy. Hopefully I continue to gain the weight right on pace. I was told that at my starting weight, I really needed to gain about 30-40 lbs ish since I started on the slim side to begin with. Thankfully Baby Molano doesn’t like junk foods and I haven’t had any cravings - yet. I plan on not eating poorly, nor eating extra. Oh, and I’ve been drinking a TON of water. We’re talking about 48 to 72oz, especially with breaking a sweat. Indeed, I am a pee machine! So far, no swelling or retained water. I wonder how long I’ll be able to wear my wedding ring???

Getting pregnant has, like I said, took health to a whole new level. Suddenly my health is more important to me than ever before. When I exercise, so does my baby. When I eat healthy, so does my baby. When I fail in these two areas, so does my baby. This is enough motivation for me. I can say proudly that I’m not using pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything I wanted or sit back and slack on my exercise. I think this is the major problem for so many women who struggle to lose the baby weight. So, Step 2: Exercise. Eat Healthy. Don’t Gain Too Much Weight (which you won’t if you follow the exercise/eat healthy part).

AFTER PREGNANCY
I’ve been diligently researching, reading, lurking at post pregnancy blogs. All in search for motivation, and realistic healthy expectations and a step to add to my Step 3. I’ve learned that it’s not unheard of to loss most (as in 80%) of the weight in the first month postpartum doing NOTHING. I kid you not. As my midwife, friends, counselor, and fellow body coaches say…the body wants to be back to your normal. There will be night sweats, constant bathroom breaks, and of course the breastfeeding magic to rid your body of the excess fluid. As my husband says, “I’m not worried. Your to stubborn to not bounce back.” In fact, he believes that I’ll be back to my INSANITY (no pun intended) and running and actually “be stronger and happier than before.” So, going in thinking that Step 3 was going be this complicated pre-prep project actually boiled down to being quite simple. Step 3: Follow Part 2 & The Body Will Take Care of the Rest.

WHY
I’m sure some may read this and roll their eyes and think that I shouldn’t focus so much on this topic when I have a much bigger priority on the way. This “Why” section is for you (and me). Plainly, I’m focused on this because of the bigger priority on her way.

Womb side:
Regular physical activity during pregnancy can help you: strengthen the muscles you need for labor and delivery; control mood swings; sleep better; combat the blues; improve circulation and posture; reduce some of the discomforts of pregnancy (e.g., swelling, leg cramps, shortness of breath, backache, varicose veins and constipation); feel less fatigued; achieve healthy weight gain; and decrease your risk of developing diabetes during pregnancy

Healthy eating habits during pregnancy are vital. After all, delivering a healthy, happy baby is a goal for all moms. Paying close attention to what you eat during pregnancy can help you achieve this goal.

Gaining weight is a normal and important part of a healthy pregnancy. You will likely need to eat more than you did before becoming pregnant, but the notion that you’re “eating for two” isn’t true. It just isn’t. Note that gaining too little or too much weight can be harmful to both you and your baby, so you need to know the guidelines for weight gain.

Studies have shown that a mother's regular aerobic exercise may be good for a growing fetus' health — and may even help a baby get a healthier start in life. Parents who are active during pregnancy and early in their child's life tend to raise more active children.

Babies on the lower end of the normal weight range are considered healthier and less prone to developing diabetes and obesity than heavier ones. Rest assure, regular exercise did not seem to affect the flow of nutrients to the growing babies in the womb.

It's an even more important message for overweight and obese mothers-to-be, who tend to deliver heavier babies (anything over about 8 lb. 12 oz., or 4 kg, is considered a high birth weight), who are then at higher risk of diabetes and obesity later in life. Those heavier children are then more likely to become overweight adults and in turn give birth to bigger babies.

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1978193,00.html#ixzz20EzDy7Gz

After Miss Baby Molano is Earth Side:

I feel that it is my responsibility to be a role model. In this I should share preventative health practices with my daughter. I want to be a reliable source of factual information and knowing where to learn more about health topics. Initiating open dialogue that includes honest discussions about sensitive health topics like body esteem, self-respect, insecurities, and human development. I need to walk my talk by practicing regular healthy habits such as: regular exercise and fitness activities that are fun and including our daughter in fun activity like dancing, skipping rope, or gardening. Not smoking or using any tobacco products or other toxins. Making healthy eating a regular pattern with our daughter. Managing stress in a positive manner and demonstrating positive coping strategies.

Your attitude about your own body and sensuality, whether you talk about it or not, is automatically passed down to your daughter. Who you are affects your daughter’s sense of self for the rest of her life. A mother who accepts how she looks, and has a healthy attitude about weight, wrinkles, and aging, goes a long way in helping to counter the peer and media pressure her daughter faces. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, our negative feelings can actually alter our body chemistry. Teens living in a race for a perfection that can’t be won are experiencing an increase of negative emotions and related physiological problems. The connection between one’s thoughts, emotions, physiological responses and self-image is critical to optimal health. The old adage, “A healthy mind—a healthy body” is true. How a woman feels about herself is key not only to her emotional but also to her physical health. Extensive research on the hormonal and immune effects of chronic stress on humans reveals that feelings of hopelessness and helplessness seem to cause the most dramatic changes in stress hormones, sex hormones, and immune system functioning.

In total the best gift I can give our daughter is to be a healthy and strong woman. I believe she will catch the habits by watching me – and her father too.

"The fathers have eaten a sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge". (Jeremiah, Book 31, Verse 29) This quote from the Bible represented the power of the father as the primary authority of the family for many centuries. His word was unquestioned, his decision final, his influence dominant in all matters relating to family. What he was not seen as was a caretaker of the children - that rested with (or was vested in) the mother, or mother substitute.

The world began to radically change with the social, economic and technical changes of the 20th Century and, with those changes, came a basic change in the structure and function of the family -- with a consequent shift in the authority of the father. His influence was increasingly seen as minor, even negligible, and his importance was defined by how well he provided for the family.

Another factor in the diminished role of the father was the then new field of psychology. In fact, psychology became part of the problem. Research studies did not place much importance on the role of the father, and his influence on the development and growth of his child was reported as "insignificant". Parent often the same as mother -- and father, if mentioned, was equivalent to other influences. Only a small number of parent-child studies investigated the father's role, and the few studies that were done at that time focused on the father's involvement as reported by the mother. For example, in a number of studies that used over 2,000 parents who responded to questions about parenting, not one father was interviewed. An indirect result of the lack of research data on fathers was the implied assumption that fathers weren't interested in fathering. The pendulum of the father's influence swung so far that the verse would have read: The fathers have eaten a sour grape that had an influence on the mothers who chose not to offer them to the children.

The pendulum slowly began to swing back in the 1970's with newly designed studies beginning to support the impact of fathers. These days, neither the general public nor psychological researchers, see the father as an equivalent to "other influences". The professional journals, as well as the Internet, are filled with articles reporting results confirming the importance of the father.

What does the research say these days? According to a report in "Fathers and Their Impact on Children's Well-Being":

"Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.

The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child's emotional and social development. Fathers spend a higher percentage of their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. The influence of a father's involvement extends into teen years and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents."

What is the reality these days? There is no question that fathers do play an important part in their children's lives; that the majority of studies affirm that an involved father can play a crucial role particularly in the cognitive, behavioral and general health and well-being areas of a child's life; that having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics; that adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when fathered by an involved father; that it is generally accepted, under most circumstances, a father's presence and involvement can be as crucial to a child's healthy development as is the mother's; and that experiencing validation of their importance in the general parenting literature has made fathers much more conscious of their value and, in turn, leads to their greater desire to be involved.

But there is still a wide gap between research results and the true acceptance of the value of fathers, with many fathers expressing the feeling that they continue to be second-class citizens in the world of their children. Books, magazines and morning television shows are filled with information about and for mothers and mothering. How many comparable ones have you seen about fathers? It's only recently that domestic courts, recognizing the research on parenting and fathers, have moved to greater equal child custody decrees. Fathers who want to become more actively involved in their children's lives often hit barriers from employers, the media and even their wives who may feel threatened by a child calling for "daddy" instead of "mommy".

We'll know when we reach equal parity when Father's Day becomes as well celebrated as Mother's Day.

The Importance of Fathers

Is Father's Day Real?

Published on June 23, 2011 by Ditta M. Oliker, Ph.D. in The Long Reach of Childhood

25 Things I Want to Teach Our Daughter

I want our little girl to be independent, confident, and wise. I’ve found this list and tweaked it into a list of things I want her to know as she begins her journey with us. 

1. Enjoy the innocence of your childhood. GROW SLOW.

In a world full of superficial values, peer pressure, and bullying, as well as a pop culture that pushes materialism and consumerism – you are being leapfrogged through your childhood.  There is a constant pressure for you to grow up WAY to fast. I mean, when did 5 become the new 10, anyway?

2. Smart is the new cool.

Never be ashamed of being smart or nerdy, having freckles or glasses, or loving science and math.  Smart never goes out of style, it stays with you as you grow, and it will lead you down the most successful paths.

3. No matter how many times you hear it, “Diamonds are NOT a girl’s best friend.”

Friends are invaluable.  They are trusting and loyal.  They stick with you through good times and bad, happy or sad.  Some will come and go, but your true friends will be with you always.

4. Go for it, get dirty! It’s good for you.

Besides the fact that getting dirty actually does help support your immunity, it’s also a great way to express creativity!  Sculpt, draw, and stomp.  Better yet, go “classic” and make some mud pies. Mommy made some great ones back in her day. 

5. Beat the boys at their own games.

Football, baseball, hockey or golf, never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something because you’re a girl.  So go ahead, build the tallest tower of legos, kick butt on Xbox, and bust out your light saber.

6. Be spiritual.

Find the desire to understand the universe and your place in it.  Take the time to notice the earth and all of its beauty.  Give thanks to God.  He has a GOOD plan for you. 

7.  See the world.

Experience new cultures, religions, people, and places.  Open your heart and mind to the tremendous benefits of studying and visiting domestic and foreign lands.  The world is bigger than just the city you grew up in, the state you happen to have your driver’s licensed in.

8. A strong hand shake leaves a lasting impression.

It represents self-confidence and ambition.  A strong hand shake and eye contact exemplifies a mutual respect for one another and is a sign that you are friendly, trustworthy, and honest.

9. Choose your role models carefully.

Even though you are still little, I’m glad that you don’t know who lady gaga is. Don’t feel like you have to go gaga over people, things, trends that your friends are drooling over. For all you know, you’re their role model. 

10. Read something everyday.

From the Cat in the Hat and Dr. Seuss to Junie B Jones, reading is exercise for your brain.  It expands knowledge and vocabulary- and lets your imagination run wild.

11. When it comes to wearing make-up, there’s a general rule of thumb that applies – LESS is MORE.

12. When it comes to fashion, shorter does not always equal better.  Fashion trends come and go and not all of it is fabulous.  Half tops and mini skirts are great for an 85 degree day at the beach or if you’re a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, but not for your high school yearbook photo or Tuesday’s Geometri’s class. 

13. Please, please, please do not allow yourself to become someone else’s property.  Why this is trendy, I will never figure out.  If you want to make a statement about yourself on clothing, at least let it describe an aspect of who YOU are. This goes with hickies too. Don’t let a guy mark his territory like a dog. It probably means he is one, and you deserve better. 

14. Speaking of trends, I hope that by the time you are allowed to date, guys don’t wear their pants hanging half way down their ass.  I really feel like this has been pretty popular for quite some time and I am praying that it finally goes away by 2022.  Also, I will flip my lid if you become this guy’s property! 

15. Being an angel should not and does not mean wearing only your bra, underwear, and a set of wings for everyone to see.

16. Since you’re growing up in the technological age of iPad, iPod, iPhone, and texting, I have to address the horrendous lack of writing skills being used by today’s youth. Bottom line, don’t use text lingo in your thesis.

17. Speaking of text lingo, verbal slang is just as unprofessional.  Reminds me of Alicia Silverstone from Clueless.  OMG, ROFL, BFF, TMI, FYI, IDK….As If.

18. Don’t let pop culture define you.

I don’t know why, but today we let pop culture manipulate our youth and it’s killing them emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.  From the early on fascination with princesses, to the ‘need’ for a boyfriend, be skinny, and big boobs, popularity, teen moms, and all the other garbage being thrown in their face – be confident going against the grain.

19. Accept yourself for who you are.

You’re one-of-a-kind and that’s what makes you beautiful.  Tall, short, big, small, blonde, brunette, redhead, white, brown, blue, pink, yellow – we are all DIFFERENT.

20. Mainstream your health.

It’s life’s greatest asset.  A positive approach to health encompasses physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well being.  Healthy lifestyle choices in your youth will help lay a strong foundation for continued wellness throughout your adult life.  Diet, exercise, stress management, self motivation, positiveness, and meditation, as well as a number of other approaches are guaranteed to make a huge impact on your quality of life, health, and happiness.

21. Have confidence in yourself.

A positive self image assures power, strength, ability, and value.  It will enable you to conquer your goals and allow you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams.

22. Be a sister. Be a friend. Be a protector. Speak up for those you can’t, won’t or should. 

23. Love with all your heart.

For where there is love there is life.  Love is universal and felt by all living things.  So strong is the feeling of love that it is said it makes the world go round.

24. Never be afraid to laugh at your self.

Laughter is humbling.  It inspires and motivates.

25. Wherever you are in life, you can come home.  We will be here – always.